The current week seems to be my "Nikki, get in line" week. I was asked for a moment by a classmate about five minutes ago (from typing this sentence) and he said that he likes that I ask questions for conversation and fill long periods of silence by making people thing, there are times that my tone makes people uncomfortable (though I strive for it not to) and that my body language doesn't always match up with my thought process/is taken wrong. I asked a guest speaker about a sentence in his mission statement about to do business they "care enough about the person" to enter business with them. I wasn't questioning the man's intentions, I was trying to ask what that meant, more clearly. The classmate said that after I asked the question I seemed disinterested in the answer and, although what I was actually doing was typing it down and making sure I was taking it down properly, to him it seemed I had not cared about the answer and was just dinking around after asking. He said I don't discomfort him all the time, and that it is few and far between, but "as we are representatives of our majors, ourselves and our cohorts" we should all be aware of tonality and body language during guest presentations. Oddly enough, the other guest presentation he brought up the presenter told me she was honestly glad for my questions and hadn't thought of those things before. I know I don't intend to sound agressive and rude, and I am actually thoughtful and just asking clarification (or in class discussions challenging an idea because the whole point of the class is to do so) but somehow I am magically able to come off completely wrong.
I do tell people to please tell me if I offend them or make them uncomfortable so maybe we can clear the air and clear up misunderstandings. I don't get offended if people tell me that I didn't convey myself properly an, though it hurts to realize that I f***ed up yet again, I am thankful that people do tell me so I can fix the problem. I think another problem is that while I am thinking, my tone doesn't regulate properly, so as I had thought out the question and figured on less offensive wording, the tone as I was working on making sure my word choice was appropriate ended up sounding wrong. *sigh* I do think a lot about what I ask in class and at guest lectures before I ask the question. I try to make sure the wording is unoffensive and conveys my desire to understand instead of 'picking on' or 'being rude to' the guest speaker or my classmates. Seems I need to go back to Tone and Body Language 101, because there have been a number of misunderstandings lately. Or I need to take a break from stress, school, and life and fix the imbalances in my brain and the disconnects between brain and mouth, and now apparently the rest of my body.
I have also always had a strong personality, which has been accentuated by this environment despite my desire for it not to and my many attempts to keep my strong personality in check. A lot of people find a strong personality offputting and abrasive. And I know a lot of people are sensitive to tone and body language. I am just working on it. I am not a finished project in the least and need to work on polishing my tone and body language so that I am not misunderstood and not seen as offensive/abrasive/abrupt/edgy.
So this week is my "tell Nikki what she is doing wrong" week, so please let me know so I can put it on the list of things to be working on.
~N
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
In which Nikki was incredibly careless
So, apparently what was helpful back home is considered rude, painful, and mean outside of home. I won't go into the details except to say that I did not say what I meant properly, it came out terribly compared to what I intended to say, I used completely the wrong words so it didn't translate from my brain to my mouth, and I wasn't trying to be careless but somehow was and really hurt someone I love. We managed to at least talk about it and get each other's stories, but I just can't help but think that I was just trying to help... You know how that stupidness goes. Definitely entirely my fault. I did apologize and really, really didn't meant to hurt this person, and was incredibly sorry about it. This person said that in the past few years I have become more "abrupt, and edgey" than I used to be. I think it may have to do with the WU environment in general, where they teach you to have strong opinions and be committed to how you feel. I didn't know there was a drastic change in my personality. This definitely gives me food for thought. I know that I have trouble adjusting between what I am accustomed to and different situations, and am working on remedying that. I keep having to work very hard to remedy that. I know I am sometimes inappropriate at the wrong times, I know that I can be (though I try not to) careless or thoughtless and hurt people without meaning to, I know that I am opinionated and feel strongly about my convictions, I know that sometimes I use a tone that I don't mean to, I know that I am impatient, I know that I am absentminded sometimes. I work against these but sometimes fail, like I did this weekend without trying to. Apparently being helpful is something really hard to do, because sometimes I feel like I am disliked for doing nothing (often I don't know what to do) and I am disliked for trying to help (apparently I have some ability to do this wrong) and what was useful in one place is considered unhelpful and unwanted in another. I am trying to reconcile the different situations, and work on being able to choose the right thing to do in the right situation. Seems to be the story of my life... I think I am on the right path to be told that I have strayed yet again and landed in a patch of poison oak (or something along those analogy-lines). I hope I get the hang of this soon, I may be a young adult, but I am still an adult and am very responsible for my actions and need to figure this out asap. My mouth-brain disconnect may be the death of me someday.
Powwow was fun! I sold one small basket for $5, Josh got a good sale with his silver-leaf necklace! I am glad that we made at least some money, but am kind of sad that there weren't so many people buying. They seem to think my prices are too high, but I don't know if they realize how much work goes into these baskets, y'know? Or they do and I am just marking them too high. Maybe that seems a bit egotistical, marking your work higher than it should be... I also got a scary admirer. He and his... lady friend?... came to the booth and were asking questions. I answered them as best I could. The woman said that she could feel my spirit in my work, which I understand because I notice someone's - I guess spirit, though English doesn't have an appropriate word for it yet - in other people's work. Especially if they have spent a lot of time on it. She seemed to think everything I said was spiritual. He said thank you, have a good day, and if I ever get divorced he has a friend that would love to meet me. That was kind of slimy but I just smiled and looked at the next customer after saying "have a good day." I would have been okay if he hadn't come back. But he did, and it was very uncomfortable. He said "good evening" again, an had turned to the woman he was with when I was talking to someone about how I couldn't sling my purse across my chest because I was not as 'petite' as she was in that region. We were standing near each other and I said it in a rather low voice. She said "I can see how that would be a problem" and he echoed "Yes, I see how that could be a problem." Okay, creepy much? I shuddered slightly. Afterwards, I was lifting tables and he said "I like the color of your shirt" and I said "Yes, thank you. My husband likes it too" and continued to lift tables and move them. He then said "I just can't take my eyes off it." Uhm. I didn't respond to that because I was very, very - what is the word? - creeped out and wanted Mr. Slimy to go away. Josh's mom just kept laughing at me (she was helping too) and I was very flustered and embarrassed. They left the gym and I was glad they were gone. Got stuff loaded in the vehicles, and we got in and left. Mr. Slimy and his companion were sitting at the busstop and I was hoping that they didn't see me. Josh's mom (who gave me a ride) offered to stop and pick them up and give them a ride, I suggested "no" and continued to be creeped out and flustered. Josh's family continued to tease me afterwards and I think I will continue to be teased. I didn't treat him any different. I smiled, politely answered questions and tried to be friendly as you are supposed to when vending or working in the service industry. I have noticed more and more that people become enamored with that kind of behavior quickly nowadays, and think perhaps it is because of machinery and whatnot alienating people and highlighting terrible things in the news and our everyday lives promoting singularity and unfriendliness. Or, rather, the lack of connection between people because of machines, interfaces and, of course what I am hypocritically on right now, the internet. Where you don't have to talk face to face or even in words. Perhaps we will lose verbal langauge. Or, as a friend's biology(?) professor suggested, evolve in to giant butts with eyeballs because most of what we do is sit and stare at computers as they get more and more integrated into our lives and at televisions and movie screens. At least with books you have to actually get up for another. People lose attention spans for books and in general because the TV angle switches about every 8 seconds to keep people interested unless it is a soap opera in which they use three camera angles the entire show. (Okay, acutally not. I am joking here because their shots last longer than 8 seconds per angle/shot.) Hence no attention spans. And alongside that, there is little person to person interaction and someone who is actually friendly in person may spark the wrong impression simply by being friendly. And then I get creepy stalkers who comment inappropriately that he cannot take his eyes off my shirt and indirectly commented on the size of my breasts. Oh, what a world.
I am supposed to be doing my thesis work. My final proposal is due tomorrow and I was told I had to do a lot of work to get it up to snuff. Funfun. :( ... I have been ignoring it for the past hour and a half while I actually do work at work and type this out, edit it, and try not to be offensive, rough, abrasive or abrupt. I do not aspire to be any of those things, actually I try to avoid being those things. I guess the Liberal Arts community here at WU tends to fashion people that way and I will have to work against that fashioning. In the end, I will graduate and then have to re-learn how to live because I will no longer be in the shelter of college and hiding from responsibilites and societally acceptable social interaction but will be having to work in the 'real world' where interactions must be measured, thought about a lot, and the road treaded upon lightly to keep in line.
Makes me wonder if you really read my blog for content, or if you just read it because you are bored. I do not try to offend anyone and if I have in my blogs or my actions I apologize. I am far from perfect but trying to do better every day, despite my probably rather frequent messups. I am human, and a young human. I admit to my fault fully. I need to work on it. And right now I also need to work on my thesis proposal. Darn.
~N
Powwow was fun! I sold one small basket for $5, Josh got a good sale with his silver-leaf necklace! I am glad that we made at least some money, but am kind of sad that there weren't so many people buying. They seem to think my prices are too high, but I don't know if they realize how much work goes into these baskets, y'know? Or they do and I am just marking them too high. Maybe that seems a bit egotistical, marking your work higher than it should be... I also got a scary admirer. He and his... lady friend?... came to the booth and were asking questions. I answered them as best I could. The woman said that she could feel my spirit in my work, which I understand because I notice someone's - I guess spirit, though English doesn't have an appropriate word for it yet - in other people's work. Especially if they have spent a lot of time on it. She seemed to think everything I said was spiritual. He said thank you, have a good day, and if I ever get divorced he has a friend that would love to meet me. That was kind of slimy but I just smiled and looked at the next customer after saying "have a good day." I would have been okay if he hadn't come back. But he did, and it was very uncomfortable. He said "good evening" again, an had turned to the woman he was with when I was talking to someone about how I couldn't sling my purse across my chest because I was not as 'petite' as she was in that region. We were standing near each other and I said it in a rather low voice. She said "I can see how that would be a problem" and he echoed "Yes, I see how that could be a problem." Okay, creepy much? I shuddered slightly. Afterwards, I was lifting tables and he said "I like the color of your shirt" and I said "Yes, thank you. My husband likes it too" and continued to lift tables and move them. He then said "I just can't take my eyes off it." Uhm. I didn't respond to that because I was very, very - what is the word? - creeped out and wanted Mr. Slimy to go away. Josh's mom just kept laughing at me (she was helping too) and I was very flustered and embarrassed. They left the gym and I was glad they were gone. Got stuff loaded in the vehicles, and we got in and left. Mr. Slimy and his companion were sitting at the busstop and I was hoping that they didn't see me. Josh's mom (who gave me a ride) offered to stop and pick them up and give them a ride, I suggested "no" and continued to be creeped out and flustered. Josh's family continued to tease me afterwards and I think I will continue to be teased. I didn't treat him any different. I smiled, politely answered questions and tried to be friendly as you are supposed to when vending or working in the service industry. I have noticed more and more that people become enamored with that kind of behavior quickly nowadays, and think perhaps it is because of machinery and whatnot alienating people and highlighting terrible things in the news and our everyday lives promoting singularity and unfriendliness. Or, rather, the lack of connection between people because of machines, interfaces and, of course what I am hypocritically on right now, the internet. Where you don't have to talk face to face or even in words. Perhaps we will lose verbal langauge. Or, as a friend's biology(?) professor suggested, evolve in to giant butts with eyeballs because most of what we do is sit and stare at computers as they get more and more integrated into our lives and at televisions and movie screens. At least with books you have to actually get up for another. People lose attention spans for books and in general because the TV angle switches about every 8 seconds to keep people interested unless it is a soap opera in which they use three camera angles the entire show. (Okay, acutally not. I am joking here because their shots last longer than 8 seconds per angle/shot.) Hence no attention spans. And alongside that, there is little person to person interaction and someone who is actually friendly in person may spark the wrong impression simply by being friendly. And then I get creepy stalkers who comment inappropriately that he cannot take his eyes off my shirt and indirectly commented on the size of my breasts. Oh, what a world.
I am supposed to be doing my thesis work. My final proposal is due tomorrow and I was told I had to do a lot of work to get it up to snuff. Funfun. :( ... I have been ignoring it for the past hour and a half while I actually do work at work and type this out, edit it, and try not to be offensive, rough, abrasive or abrupt. I do not aspire to be any of those things, actually I try to avoid being those things. I guess the Liberal Arts community here at WU tends to fashion people that way and I will have to work against that fashioning. In the end, I will graduate and then have to re-learn how to live because I will no longer be in the shelter of college and hiding from responsibilites and societally acceptable social interaction but will be having to work in the 'real world' where interactions must be measured, thought about a lot, and the road treaded upon lightly to keep in line.
Makes me wonder if you really read my blog for content, or if you just read it because you are bored. I do not try to offend anyone and if I have in my blogs or my actions I apologize. I am far from perfect but trying to do better every day, despite my probably rather frequent messups. I am human, and a young human. I admit to my fault fully. I need to work on it. And right now I also need to work on my thesis proposal. Darn.
~N
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